Shirley-Anne McMillan

So I finally managed to start the second draft of my new novel. Phew! It took me ages to get round to starting it. I really just couldn’t bear to open up that file and start to read and correct and make notes and read notes…. I couldn’t get my head around how on earth I was going to do it, given that I knew for a fact that it was riddled with inconsistencies; my basic writing style seems to require getting it all down in the first draft. Everything. Just write everything, I tell myself, you can change it later.

But ‘later’ had arrived, and it just seemed impossible…

The thing that helped me start to start again was The Creative Writing Coursebook. I decided to read the chapters about ending your novel and redrafting it. I took it and a highlighter and a black biro to a cafe. I’m so glad I did. That book is full of good, practical and useful advice. I love other books about writing; I love the Stephen King one which I’ve read a couple of times now, and Lawrence Block has a great one too. But this one has the little exercises and bits of advice from different writing experts that can help me move on when I need to try something different.

I particularly liked the sound of Paul Magrs‘ advice about getting busy with the felt tips and paper. The idea of doing something different, rather than just starting with the laptop again, not only appealed to me but it also made me feel like maybe the idea of holding the whole novel in one place wasn’t so impossible. Taking his advice, putting my own spin on it, buying a pack of new felt tips and a bunch of post-it notes, printing out my novel in hard copy and going to work with highlighters and coloured pens… I’m getting there.

And it’s so fun doing it this way!

My best advice on this kind of approach is:

a) buy proper post-it notes. The cheap ones aren’t worth it, and,

b) use post-it notes! I have already rearranged mine to suit the way everything is panning out and I think I will rearrange them again when I come to look at other aspects of the story.

Paul has just started to offer his services as a writing coach. You can find out more on this blog.

I am beginning to redraft my novel which is due to be handed in as part of my MA in September. I feel so fortunate this time around because with Widows’ Row I was on my own for the writing part, and now I have an amazing critique group and some great advice from my tutors. It is very helpful to have professional readers to reflect back what they hear in my story, kind of like having therapy for my novel. Last week I had an appointment with local playwright, Damian Gorman, who is currently writer in residence at the MAC. We went through a piece from my story that was giving me problems and I tried to explain what I thought the problem was; ‘It’s just… boring. It’s too… Is it too preachy?’ He replied, ‘Yes. It’s like a bad Thought For The Day.’

The best therapists will tell it like it is!

Damian’s advice was pretty simple- don’t forget about the story. Tell the story. Let the story out. That probably seems obvious to a lot of people but it’s the thing I find most difficult to do as I get carried away with what I want to say and what I want people to hear. I end up forgetting the most important thing- the story.

Today I went for a walk in Tollymore again. I can’t tell you the smell of it but, if you go, don’t go on a very sunny day. Go when it’s been raining a bit, or maybe when it’s still raining a fine mist as you walk. It’s so beautiful. I took the red path and then, as I always do, I got a bit lost because I veered off it a bit. This is the forest, the story of the forest;

And then I came across this; words carved into a huge stone:

And I thought, ‘You had me at STOP.’

Last weekend I took the GSA students on residential. We spent part of the time in Tollymore forest at the foot of the Mournes.

I’ve never been one to get things the right way round.

So, following Berlin’s incessant stalking, I finally made it to the city to find out what it wanted. This was its first message:

Fair point!

I don’t speak German but Ian does. This meant that I spent the whole trip being the Teller to his most eloquent Penn, which is a little ironic because if you know us then you’d probably cast us in the opposite roles on looks alone.

It’s more than a little annoying being the one who can’t communicate, particularly in a place like Berlin where if you’re not accidentally stepping on history, you’re finding yourself sharing a currywurst table with a woman who was smuggled across the Berlin wall by a complete stranger as a child. I was very glad that Ian was there to translate. He said, ‘Have you seen the film the Lives of Others?’ and she laughed and said, ‘No. I don’t watch those films. I lived it.’

I don’t have much more to share than this; the thing that I found myself thinking, over and over, as we walked around, was that in Berlin you don’t go looking for stories, they seek you out. And the amazing thing about this is, that while you are walking into people’s stories at every turn you learn that every single one of those stories was a voice that someone once tried to silence. The oppressors, the Nazis, the Stasi, those who attempted to shut people up and dehumanise them, succeeded only in making themselves less than human. Those voices which attempted to make sure that no other voices ever spoke again are now drowned out in the ubiquitous stories of places like Berlin, where even the quiet blocks of concrete speak for those who could not do so in their lifetime.

The holocaust memorial. Impossible to capture the scale of this maze of concrete, or what it feels like to be in it. I expect that’s partly the point.

This is the memorial in the Tiergarten to those people who the Nazis killed because they were queer.

Inside the Gedächtniskirche- a church badly damaged during the war.

People write and draw everywhere in Berlin. So much colour, everywhere.

Happy New Year!

For the past three years when I’ve taken down our Christmas tree I haven’t bothered to pack away the lights. Instead, I’ve strung them up around the living room.

One of my highlights of 2012 was hearing Kei Miller reading in Belfast. The first words of his poetry collection ‘A Light Song of Light’ go like this;

A light song of light is not sung

in the light; what would be the point?

A light song of light swells up in dark

times, in wolf and knife time,

in knuckle and blood times; it hums

a small tune in daytime, but saves

its full voice for the midnight.

Thank you so much for your support in 2012. I wish you all the light you need this year.  x

If, like me, you’re thinking ‘December????’ closely followed by ‘Christmas?!?! Wha??’ then you’ll probably be considering turning to Google soon to find some unique gift ideas for the lovely people in your life. I’ve had an idea…

How about getting some of your gifts from NI, lovingly crafted by NI artists this year? There are loads of craft fairs this time of year but I don’t know of any that cater in locally crafted books and music. Maybe we should start one. Maybe this is a good place to start.

On this post I’m going to throw out a few links to local artists who have produced something Christmas-present-worthy recently. That way you get to give a wonderful gift AND feel virtuous about contributing to the NI art scene. You could get someone a CD or book or if you’re buying someone a Kindle this Christmas maybe it would be nice to stick on a few local ebooks? Hooray!

Here are my suggestions. If you’re an artist/writer/musician from N. Ireland you’d like me to put a link on this post please email me the details (shirleyannemcmillan@gmail.com) and I’ll do what I can.

BOOKS

There is, of course, Widow’s Row, by me, available in paperback and for Kindle and other ebook readers. So far, teenagers and adults both seem to enjoy it. It’s not for younger readers though- I’d say age 14 and up.

The Unseen Chronicles of Amelia Black (for Kindle) by AGR Moore has enjoyed local success this year. It is for younger readers and beautifully illustrated and I’m going to be putting a copy on my daughter’s Kindle.

Gerry McCullough is a prolific writer who has all sorts of stories on the go. Check out her Amazon shop and take your pick from her popular thrillers and short stories. I’m going to get one for my mum.

Malachi O’Doherty has a new book, Iscariot, out on Kindle, which I’ve just bought. So far it seems great and fans of Ikon might enjoy it.

POETRY

Padraig O’Tuama‘s book of poetry ‘Readings From the Book of Exile‘ has been hugely popular this year. If you know Pádraig, you’ll know why. Beautiful words on love, sex, death, God… it only lacks an audio version- you know what to do Pádraig!

COMICS

Paddy Brown‘s Ulster Cycle comics are brilliant. Great for comic fans and people interested in local history. Good for American relatives or friends who have an interest maybe? Contact Paddy through his website. [edit: Paddy has just commented that there's a comics fayre next Sunday- 9th December in Belfast and you can buy his comics there]

MUSIC

I have just recently listened to Rachel Austin‘s new album, Age of Reason. It’s truly wonderful and would suit anyone who likes acoustic music with a punky edge (I thought of Amanda Palmer a lot). You can get it on CD or MP3 here, and again, why not stick it on the MP3 player you’ve bought for someone? Here’s what it sounds like:

I used some of Jonny McEwen’s music earlier this year in some short meditations that I led in school. It’s lovely. See what you think.

OK so that’s just a taster and I’ll hopefully be adding more as time goes on. There are loads of ways to support local art this Christmas- g’wan!

Outburst is Belfast’s own Queer Arts Festival and this year I was delighted to be able to take part. ‘School’s Out’ was an event in the Black Box which had me reading from Widows’ Row and talking a bit about why I wrote it and how the story related to the work I do in running a high school Gay Straight Alliance youth group. It was such a pleasure to be able to share a little of my story relating to my writing and work, and I am always glad to speak of the GSA at Shimna Integrated College because they are an inspiration to me and I wish everyone could meet them and hear their passion for equality (we’re currently working on a short film so maybe that will happen soon!)

After my reading/talk I was joined by some others on a panel discussion, led by Seán from the NITC LGBT group, about promoting and ensuring LGBT equality and respect in schools. Phillip from PIPS talked about the reality of the horrendous suicide statistics we often hear about in NI and how homophobia is a major factor in causing depression in young people, Jacquie from the UTU spoke about the need for directives on LGBT equality to come from the highest levels of management in our school system, Gavin from the Rainbow Project spoke about the current reality of homophobia and sexism in schools and Helen spoke about what it was like to be a lesbian mother to a son who has suffered severe homophobic bullying.

Perhaps the most powerful speech was given by her young son, Michael, aged 12, who told us his story and spoke of his hope for the future, that all schools would speak out against homophobia and would be accepting and supportive of all kinds of difference. Michael’s speech was really moving and again, I wish everyone could have heard him. If you are one of those who think that LGBT activism is about being ‘PC’ or that it’s unnecessary for people to have Pride marches or if you think people who get offended at homophobic jokes are just overreacting, I wish you could have heard his experiences. But part of me thinks that they’re out there- those stories. They’re not hard to find. Maybe it’s just about being willing to listen and believe people.

Anyway, there wasn’t enough time to talk about everything and I think that’s a good sign- people are keen to talk about it and people want to do things. I have met a number of teachers now who want to start GSAs or who want to raise the issue of homophobia with their classes, or maybe they want to put up an anti-homophobia poster, and they’re not allowed, or their school says ‘Yes, but not now… later, maybe,’ and it never happens. There are many teachers who are afraid for their jobs if they speak out. To them I would say that the things they do that feel like tiny things- challenging homophobic language when they hear it in class, mentioning LGBT families  or relationships when the topic comes up in class, encouraging children to look beyond gender binaries when they come up- those things really matter. Young people don’t often tell us the things we  have said that mean a lot to them, but the GSA students have told me of times when things teachers said made them feel validated as human beings, and we can’t underestimate the power of that, particularly if your school if determined to ignore those students. I hope that people left feeling hopeful yesterday. For me the hope is in the fact that there are so many people in NI who want equality, there are those working towards it, there are those who will highlight it using the most amazing art, there are those who will eventually bring it. We need the support of one another so that we don’t lose hope, and I love Outburst for being one of the festivals that keeps us hoping. Keep on keepin’ on!